Dear We Are Teachers,
I’m in my third year of teaching 4th grade and at a new school this year. After my first walk-through, my AP said he thought I was a little too rigid with students and to loosen up a bit. I think he was probably right—my last school was very different—so I relaxed my expectations a bit. Well, after this last observation, he said I was too concerned with my students “liking” me and that they were walking all over me. I don’t get it! He says I should strike a balance between being firm and kind, but how?
—Finding the Balance
Dear F.T.B.,
Congrats on your third year of teaching! The conundrum you are facing is common and understandable. I’ve navigated this question on and off during my career.
A mindset I like a lot is the idea of being a “warm demander.” The term, coined by Judith Kleinfeld and expanded on by Lisa Delpit, describes someone who will “expect a great deal of their students, convince them of their own brilliance, and help them reach their potential in a disciplined and structured environment.” When I first started teaching, I had a mantra: “I am the adult in the room.”
I want my students to feel respected and valued as people. I want them to enjoy their time in class overall. Ultimately, though, I’m the adult who sets guidelines and models clear boundaries so students understand what’s going on. I honestly feel setting and honoring boundaries is an important skill. Most students do better when there is a clear routine. Of course, you can co-write those standards with students (more on that here and here), but ultimately, you are the one ensuring standards are in place.
There are plenty of great resources on classroom management (like this and this). Also, what being that “adult” looks like is dependent on the person. Think about a trusted adult or mentor—parent, coach, teacher, etc.—who helped you grow. How did they speak to you? How did they hold you accountable? What did that feel like? And what feels authentic to you?
It may also be helpful to ask your AP for more clarity. What exactly did he see that made him give that feedback? Is there a specific action causing him to feel that way? This clarity is not only helpful, it encourages a stronger coaching relationship.
If it’s a larger issue, reflect on the changes you made from the first observation to the second. What made a positive impact on students? What may have gotten in the way of their success? Based on what you wrote, it sounds like you swung from one end of the pendulum arc to the other, so reflecting on what happened between the two can help you find that balance.
Good luck! I believe in you!
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve heard teachers advise others not to take work home or work past contract hours. How do they successfully do this though? I can’t seem to fit all the planning and grading into my planning periods, and I inevitably bring things home every evening and weekend. I’m a newer teacher, so I believe it will get easier over time, but what tips can you share to help me get there?
—Work-Life Unbalance
Dear W.L.U.,
Thanks for sharing this important and challenging question. First, I want to manage your expectations. While I completely agree that you should leave your work at work if you are able to, I’m not sure how feasible that is. On average, teachers work 53 hours a week, and “one out of every four work hours for teachers went uncompensated, covering things like grading or day-to-day planning.”
So, while it’s not bad advice, it’s not a widely held practice. I share this to validate your challenge and manage your goals: Most of us are working outside our contract hours. Even when I do have lots of planning time, I’m not always in the right mindset or physical space to focus at school. Doing a time audit or looking into some time management skills can help you make the most of your time throughout the day so that, regardless of your comfort teaching, you are as effective as possible.
Another thing to consider is how you’re grading student work. Here are a few tips I like for grading effectively. Also, use class time to give feedback. For example, rather than spending long periods leaving feedback on outlines (that my students sometimes frustratingly ignore), I’ll do quick 2-to-3-minute conferences with students about their outlines. At the same time, the rest of the class works on their essays. Many of my students have said they actually prefer to get feedback this way. You can also incorporate peer review or self-assessment so students highlight key items to make your grading go quickly.
Also, don’t feel like you have to grade everything. I remember toiling away as I graded every exit ticket my first year. Big mistake. Many of these are formative assessments and/or checks for understanding are meant to be assessed quickly and as a whole. Rather than grade each one with detail, I often flip through to get a sense of how the class is doing overall. If a student is particularly struggling, I may pull it out as evidence to follow up with them. Generally, though, I spend very little time “grading” any formative work and instead use it as data to guide my instruction.
Beyond all these tips, though, I hear your challenge. The fact that so many teachers work beyond the 40 hours a week they are paid for is one of the many struggles of being a teacher. I deeply hope this changes, even though I don’t quite know how it will. Good luck, and I believe in you (and all of us)!
Dear We Are Teachers,
I have a coach this year, and I’m wondering if it’s OK to ask for more hands-on help. Right now, I create a goal I want to work on, email my coach, and they observe and then send me feedback. I appreciate the feedback, but I’d like a little more support. Would it be wrong to ask them to visit my classroom to model a practice they encouraged me to try? I’d really like to see how they would do it, but I don’t know if that’s a weird request.
—Can I Coach the Coach?
Dear C.I.C.T.C.,
That’s a totally fair request! Ultimately, a coach is there to help you grow and learn. Co-teaching and modeling are common coaching practices, as they can not only model skills just as we would with our students but also provide a chance to see how your students respond to a different instructor and slightly different practices.
If the coach is uncomfortable or unable to model with your students for whatever reason, you can still ask for more support. They can model the practice for you as you role-play being the student, or they can be in the room with you when you try it and can give you live, direct feedback afterward.
This is all to say: Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need! It’s always better to seek support than to struggle quietly on your own.
Good luck, and I believe in you!
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve read your column for a while now, and I always wondered if I would have my own advice column question to write. Well, I do now! My student teacher confessed to me early in the semester that she thought one of our math teachers was cute, but I figured it was just an innocent crush. I made sure to tell her he is married, but she assured me she was just making an observation. Well, last Friday, she told me they’ve been dating for months now. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. What on earth do I do with this information?
—Receiving the Tea