Dear We Are Teachers,
I get that incentives can motivate students, but I’m so over the endless candy rewards system. It feels like every time I turn around, there’s another bag of sweets being handed out for the smallest thing. Not only is it unhealthy, but I’m worried it’s teaching kids to expect treats for basic behavior instead of developing genuine self-discipline. Plus, I’m the only teacher trying to offer non-food rewards, and honestly, it’s exhausting and feels like swimming upstream. How do I push back on the candy culture without sounding like the fun police?
—Fed Up With Sweet Deals
Dear F.U.W.S.D.,
You are not wrong. The “Skittles-for-sitting-still” economy is alive and well in many schools, sometimes even as an official discipline system.
Did I resort to candy bribes/rewards before my classroom management was reliable? Absolutely. But I think—and I think what you’re speaking to as well—is not the occasional individual teacher doling out treats, but a behavior system based on them. I’m with you on that.
Here’s the thing: You’re absolutely allowed to raise a (respectful) eyebrow at a reward system that makes your classroom feel like Willy Wonka’s factory. It’s not just about health—it’s about teaching intrinsic motivation and celebrating effort, which is tough if the classroom next door is celebrating using Nerds Gummy Clusters.
If there’s an actual school, district, or state rule against candy at school, that’s one thing. Your school ought to be following those as a liability. But if there are no official guidelines against candy at your school, I would recommend both leading by example and playing the long game.
Here’s what you can do:
- Model your own system. While you keep doing you, keep a record of your intrinsic motivation classroom wins, your non-treat rewards, and other ways you engender good behavior without an exchange involving sugar.
- Ask to lead PD midway through the year. List the positive and helpful things you’ve documented. Share supporting research, not judgment. Frame it as curiosity, not condemnation (“I was curious whether I could inspire students to be their best without using sugar.”)
- Build alliances. Once you find just one like-minded teacher, it’ll feel easier to speak up in planning meetings and pivot from the current candy-based culture.
And finally, don’t beat yourself up for not single-handedly overhauling the system. Even if you’re the only one offering a sugar-free classroom culture, you’re still doing important work.
Dear We Are Teachers,
My best friend since 4th grade is getting married … on the first Friday of the school year. It’s a destination wedding, which means I’d have to miss the entire first week of school to be there. I’m torn. She’s like a sister to me, and I wouldn’t miss her wedding for anything—except, apparently, the first week of school, which is sacred in teacher world. I know how important that first week is for routines, relationships, and setting the tone. But I also know that missing her big day would be a huge regret.
Is there a way to do both without feeling like I’m letting someone down? Or am I just going to have to pick a team and brace for guilt?
—Caught Between Chalk and a Vow Place
Dear C.B.C.A.A.V.P.,
I don’t usually respond so directly, but knowing the collective sacrificing teachers already do for the sake of their jobs, I will be direct: Go to this ding-dang wedding.
Yes, the first week of school is a big deal. But so is standing beside your best friend on one of the most important days of her life. You will have many, many, many other first weeks of school.
The key here is communication and planning:
- Talk to your admin as soon as humanly possible. Be transparent, respectful, and offer a plan that shows you’re not leaving your students in the lurch.
- Start prepping now. Create a rock-solid sub plan, record intro videos if your school allows it, and line up a colleague who can help field parent questions that week.
- Brush off any side-eye. Some parents or unhelpful coworkers may silently (or not-so-silently) judge. Let it roll off your back. You’re not ditching school to go on a beach bender—you’re honoring a once-in-a-lifetime friendship.
And here’s a secret: Kids bounce back. That week you miss will not define your classroom for the year.
Say yes to the bridesmaid’s dress (and to well-planned sub coverage).
Dear We Are Teachers,
I just found out this morning that my teaching position is being cut next year due to federal funding changes tied to the recent Supreme Court decision allowing the Department of Education to be dismantled. I teach in a Title I school, and our district relies heavily on federal support—which now seems to be drying up fast.
I’m heartbroken. I love my students. I’ve spent years building trust, buying supplies out of my own pocket, and staying late to tutor. I didn’t think the politics way above my pay grade would hit me this directly, but here I am: pink-slipped in July. What am I supposed to do now? How do I move forward when I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me—not just professionally but personally?
—Jobless in July
Dear J.I.J.,
First: I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve this. Your students didn’t deserve this. And for a country that says public education is a pillar of our democracy, we should all be ashamed when a Supreme Court ruling makes a veteran teacher unemployed with a month’s notice.
Let’s name the grief. You’re not just losing a job—you’re losing a community, a sense of purpose, and a daily routine that mattered. So please rage. Scream into the void. Record and release your folksy grief album, “They Bulldozed the Schoolhouse to Plant a Flag,” with heavy-handed metaphors slamming the government. I’ll wave my lighter at your first concert. (I don’t have a lighter, but I’ll bring my candle lighter. Hope that’s OK.)
You don’t have to jump into job boards tomorrow. But when you’re ready—here’s what you can do:
- Start looking now, even if you’re unsure where to go next. Public schools, charter networks, nonprofits, ed tech, tutoring centers, curriculum companies—your skills are needed everywhere. Here are our recs for the 65 best jobs for former teachers.
- Ask for help. Reach out to your network. Let your colleagues know you’re searching. Ask for letters of rec now, while your impact is still fresh in their minds. Our Helpline group on Facebook is a fabulous resource too.
- Consider temporary bridges. You don’t have to have your dream job lined up immediately. Sometimes the next thing is just a stepping stone to the right thing.
- Stay politically aware. What’s happening to you is part of a larger erosion of public education. Speak up, vote, support candidates who support teachers—and stay loud.
This isn’t the end of your teaching story—it’s a brutal plot twist. But I believe (really, truly) that the kind of educator who fights for kids as hard as you have will find their place again.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I have an 8th grade student who, over the last month or so, is increasingly in the counselor’s office during my class. Sometimes she asks to leave during class, sometimes she returns with a pass from the counselor, and sometimes I get an email from the counselor letting me know she’s in her office. Obviously, I’m behind any support this student needs, but she’s failing from being out of class so much. I’ve spoken to the student about her missing assignments to no avail. I know the next step is reaching out to parents, but I’m hesitant to bring it up to them in case they don’t know (or are the reason why) she’s been seeing the counselor. What would you do?
—Torn Between Care and Curriculum