Dear We Are Teachers,
Lately I’ve noticed a troubling trend among some of the parents at my school: gossip. Whether it’s in Facebook groups or group chats, info about me—an activity they didn’t like, jeans during Meet the Teacher (the horror!)— has made its way back to me via other teachers. It’s not just hurtful—it’s making it harder to build trust with families. I know I can’t control what parents say, but I’m tired of being the subject of group chat gossip. How do I protect my reputation and my sanity when the rumor mill won’t stop spinning?
—Burned by the Grapevine
Dear B.B.T.G.,
First of all, I don’t love that other teachers are coming to you with mean things other people are saying. How is that helpful? The next time someone brings you this kind of information, say, “I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate the solidarity. But for next time, just know that I prefer to stay in the dark on this kind of thing.” Then, plug your ears, close your eyes, and go, “La, la, la” to demonstrate and provide some levity.
I will stop here and clarify that there is a difference between annoying gossip and bullying, intimidation, etc. If you have evidence that parents are ever saying things about you that are abusive, threatening, or make it hard for you to do your job, contact an administrator ASAP.
You are correct that you can’t control what parents say. But what you can control is what you disclose about yourself and your classroom. Take back control of the narrative with a weekly newsletter of what’s going on in class. Something parents love? An “Ask your kid about …” section or family dinner discussion question. It’s a simple way to increase transparency of what goes on in your classroom and remind them you’re on the same team.
Finally, I know this sounds ultra Mom™ of me, but remember that their gossip says way more about them than it does about you. Stay focused on your students, your craft, and the relationships that matter.
Dear We Are Teachers,
My school keeps scheduling IEP meetings after our contract hours are over in the afternoon. Sometimes I only get 24 hours notice, which isn’t enough time to secure alternate plans for someone to pick up my child from daycare. Is it appropriate to ask for these meetings to be held during contract hours, or is this just part of my job I need to accept? I want to advocate for myself professionally without seeming uncooperative.
—Contractually Conflicted
Dear C.C.,
Yes, it’s important for teachers to attend IEP meetings. But it’s also important for you to pick up your child from daycare! You shouldn’t have to fly into a scheduling frenzy every time an IEP is scheduled.
Here’s what I’d do. Stop by the office of the person scheduling these meetings in person and explain that you understand the importance of IEPs and want to support your students, but afternoons are tricky with picking up your child from daycare. My guess is that they’ll jump in here to work on a solution. If they don’t, offer to send detailed observations, strengths, areas for improvement, whatever else is needed—via email.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I am a new 2nd grade teacher struggling with what I think I’ve narrowed down to this: comparison. I got a job at my dream school, I love my team, and my students are a joy. But sometimes I feel sick (literally) that I can’t do something as well as Ms. Blake, or that I don’t have the energy for 16 class pets like Mrs. Williams, or that I’m not as fun/talented/smart as another teacher. My team keeps assuring me I’m doing great, but I can’t seem to stop wishing I was the best. Do you have any tips on how not to get caught up in the comparison game?
—Thief of Joy Robbery Victim
Dear T.O.J.R.V.,
Oh, honey! No one is an all-star right out of the gate. That’s like a 3-week-old baby being like, “Dang, I’m such a loser for not being able to walk yet.” The learning curve in teaching is long. Like, years long.
Your team is the most reliable source of feedback (even better than an appraiser, I’d argue). So if they’re saying you’re doing great, I’d believe them.
One way to combat comparing yourself to other teachers is by practicing gratitude. Write a mantra for yourself, something like, “I’m so grateful I get to be learning from and alongside such talented teachers,” or “The mentors in this school are shaping me into the kind of teacher I want to be for my students.” The next time you feel a flare-up of envy coming, refer back to your mantra to neutralize it.
And if that doesn’t help, email me and request stories of how bad I was my first year to make yourself feel better.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
This year, our district rolled out a new curriculum with an aggressive pacing guide. I’m supposed to cover entire units in a matter of days, even though my students need way more time to grasp the material. I feel like I’m speed-running lessons, cutting corners, and leaving kids behind just to “stay on schedule.” It’s not how I want to teach, but I also don’t want to get in trouble for falling behind. How do I find a balance when the pacing guide is completely unrealistic?
—Racing the Clock