By Renate Wildermuth
Gone Before You Knew Me is a book that I wrote as a teacher, for both students and other teachers. It’s a satirical spy thriller about a girl trying to make it out of high school alive. The story is completely fictional, but it speaks to real fears in an age where students and staff are drilled in “run, hide, fight” scenarios as a matter of course.
My teaching career began ten years ago in a Pennsylvania high school, with two days of active-shooter response training that included hands-on instruction in trauma first-aid. I remember taking my turn with the Mannequin Man. Wrist-deep in the dummy’s chest cavity, stuffing it full of an old T-shirt, I wondered and worried about how I would act in a real crisis. Would I have the guts to put my hands into real guts to keep someone from bleeding out?
I was certified in English and German. I had signed on to be a language teacher, not a tactical team leader. Although I appreciated the training, it left me feeling more overwhelmed than prepared.
We were also encouraged to be flexible and creative in our response to threats. For example, we could throw balls of wadded-up paper to distract an armed assailant. With a background as a freelance writer, I knew what to do with paper. The old admonition “use your words” came to mind.
I took all those mixed feelings and impressions and channeled them into a character named Talya, who would become the protagonist of my book. She starts off scared but gets strong. In some ways this is a typical nerd-to-ninja coming of age story, but it was important to me that her mind remains her sharpest weapon. (Although, without spoiling the plot, a pointy pencil has its uses!)
I am a firm believer in public education but am also aware of its challenges. By writing a story removed from real life, I was able to exaggerate and gently poke fun at things like the omnipresence of glib motivational posters. I created my own nonsensical ones: “Dream big. Work bigger.” I could also point out inequities in funding: “Ironically, the state of the arts had allowed the basement of the school to be turned into a state-of-the-art facility dedicated to football.”
While I channeled the frustrations I sometimes felt as both a student and educator, the novel also highlights the impact an engaged teacher can have. Ultimately Talya’s lessons in civics class have real-world consequences for her whole school.
Teachers continue to influence me. Not just those who encouraged me in school. As a writer, I rely on mentors, workshop instructors, and organizations for feedback and growth. I belong to the Adirondack Center for Writing and the Authors Guild, and read widely about industry news to stay informed about the state of publishing. Every experience, good or bad, has taught me something as well, or provided fodder for a story.
Writing Gone Before You Knew Me was a way to turn feelings of helplessness into humor, and I hope readers of all ages will recognize their own fears as well as their own courage in it.
Gone Before You Knew Me will be released in February of 2026. It is listed as one of Indigo’s “Most Anticipated Books” and is available now for preorder at independent bookstores and all retailers.
Renate Wildermuth has taught German in public and private high schools, and at universities. Her articles, stories, and essays have appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle, The Miami Herald, Adirondack Life Magazine, and on Public Radio. She lives in south-central Pennsylvania, and the Adirondacks of upstate New York with her husband and their two children. Visit her website to learn more.